To my wife,

As you stood up on the stage tonight and to share your story I was bursting with pride and also cringing with guilt and embarrassment.

For years, I put you through hell. I knew it. I felt guilty about it. But I never fully understood the extent of it.

Embarrassingly, I couldn’t remember half of the stories you came out with. I couldn’t remember you picking my up off the floor when I knocked myself out and taking me to the hospital. I couldn’t remember the night I caused a scene in the pub because you spoke to a barman. I couldn’t remember the night I took you by the throat.

You have saved me on so many occasions from myself and I had no idea just how much I destroyed you in the process.

Every time I woke up after a session I would look at you and think ‘Why are you still here?’

Sometimes, I considered taking my own life to save you from me. Then I realised that actually, although I didn’t always deserved it, that you loved me and that was not going to make you any happier.

There’s so many occasions when you walked out, that I thought ‘This is it. You have really fucked up this time.” In these moments, I had no idea that we would be where we are now.

I always knew we had a strength, however for things to be where they are we have really shown alcohol was not stronger than us; For our relationship. 10 years on we are stronger than ever; For our trust in each other to be rebuilt; For us to be able to stand in a room and share honestly the situations that we regret most in the hope that it will help someone else.

I am proud of who we are. I am proud of the couple we have become and I am so grateful that you stood by me.

I love you,

Your Husband